It's been to long old friend.

Wow. It has been a long time since I've used this blog. I'm almost scared to go near this can of worms...  Looking back I was so lost... so gone and messed up.. Christ heals everything... all of our brokenness.

I come here for the privacy... I'm in a awkward situation and I hate that I'm in it. Some people just don't get it... Coincidentally they have the same name though... how very strange indeed. How could you even think of putting me in a situation like this? I know God will have his way and whatever happens it will bring glory to him name, but right now I'm just scared. I'm that little girl all over again.

Oh Life.

I'm sick. For the first time this season. I think I'm getting sick, that or my allergies are just being really mean to me. I can't really tell yet.

So I haven't talked to him since beginning of January. It hurts to lose a best friend. Especially one that you thought cared about you a lot. The interesting part of life is looking for those people who truely are your best friends and the one's that aren't. Brought a few tears to my eyes today...  I just don't like people to hurt. Hmm. I'm very contemplative today. It's actually literally hurting because I've had a ripping headache since 8am today. :/   Anyway, I talked to the best friend today and it was glorioius. It's like a few shining moments of my day that just change everything. Love her. She is unreplaceable.

So, I can't stop thinking about someone. It is an interesting situation. I walked into a place I didn't want to be and sat down by people who I didn't know and came out with a cool new friend. God is funny that way. Man, he's got a sense of humor. It was really refreshing to talk to this someone because he really was going after God with all his heart. Trying to dig deeper find the movement. It was interesting listening to his experiences and books he's read. So cool. I'm glad I went.

I'm working on recording at least one song every two weeks on youtube. I'd like it to be a song a week, but I'm not sure I can crank them out that fast, especially with finance. Just recorded the only exception by Paramore and working on Wonderwall by Oasis. Maybe I'll catch up a little on spring break... NOT. lol I have choir tour. I'm starting to miss my wonderful family. They are amazing.

Anyyyyway. Plans for tonight. Eat. Shower. But no eating showers. Get ahead on homework. Phi Eta Sigma. Kohls. Maybe a chat with someone as I'm driving to Quincy. That would be plesant. Mkay. Welp, have a wonderful day. Jesus loves you.
xoxo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WYo9XEkxkk

It's Going to Be Okay.

Yep. It's going to be okay because it's in God's hands...

Messaged my favorite Mexican EVER today... lol. He is such an awesome friend even to people he doesn't really know very well. I'm glad he will take care of him. God will take care of him too. He has got a purpose and a plan.

Three in the morning,
And I'm still awake,
So I picked up a pen and a page,
And I started writing,
Just what I'd say,
If we were face to face,
I'd tell you just what you mean to me,
I'd tell you these simple truths,

Be strong in the LORD and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

Last time we spoke,
You said you were hurting,
And I felt your pain in my heart,
I want to tell you,
That I keep on praying,
Love will find you where you are,
I know cause I've already been there,
So please hear these simple truths,

Be strong in the LORD and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

From one simple life to another,
I will say,
Come find peace in the Father,

Be strong in the LORD and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
Thank God for each day,
His love will find a way,
These are the words I would say
 <3 Always

Healing and Being Used

I hate the feeling of being used. So, I'm doing awesome right? Loving life, finding joy and so on... Going back to school on Sunday, super excited except for missing my besties Becca and Joyce. I can't wait to get back at the same time. This monotonous crap is killing me. I'm totally out of my element.

Anyway... the being used part. I feel super manipulated. Like someone met me, took my feelings, twisted them around, changed me, and stomped on them hard. Like, made them bleed. And I'm finally starting to pick up the pieces and fix it... loving Jesus and knowing who my true friends are. Then apparently you need me in your life. Oh really? Why ya still being a jerk? Nothing else worked for you so you are going to fall back on me... Yet you won't get yourself out of this miserable situation and you are tempting yourself even more with going home.... You need HELP. And good influences you say??? Well you are STILL pushing them all away. Going to church is a start, but you need a change of lifestyle. AND you need to start being a LOT nicer to the people who actually care about you rather than just hang while you shove poison down your throat. I understand you are hurting. But don't ask for my help if you aren't actually going to use it.

A contnuation of JOY!

So, ever since God gave me peace and then overwhelming joy I haven't been the same person. I love to love people, that hasn't changed. I've just been happy and joyful. My attitude is becoming more rounded and wholesome and loving. I can look at a different perspective than my own jaded, sad, depressive view on life. I've had a great time since the new year.

It's not like I don't have problems or I don't need prayer or anything like that. It's just I have peace about a situation that has been giving me grief forEVER! I didn't see any way out of the situation and I was completely right. I couldn't get out of the situation alone. It was all God. I know that by his will, things will work out. He is majestic and awesome... a mighty wonder to behold. I am so passionate about people getting to know him... even me! I can't believe just how GOOD he is. It's not humanly possible... well... sorta. Jesus was human... but that's a different story!

I think my 2011 resolution is creating a prayer chain within my group of friends and a personal prayer reminder or something. I need a way of keeping track of all the things I'm praying for. I feel like that is pretty legit. And to read my BIble more... haha! As long as I have a highlighter I'm good!!!


Jesus you are amazing. Thank you for being my king... and thanks to all my true friends that love me and through all our crap we've been through together are still beautiful no matter what. Love you guys!

:o]

JOY!

I just got back from the Onething Conference! Oh MY GOODNESS! Wes Hall had someone pray over me and they prophesied too. And God gave me an undeniably amazing peace and then JOY! He said I was in a field of daisies and I was worshiping God fully just giving him the praise. Then a shadow passed over my face and it was hindering me from worshiping. It was getting me down and pulling at my heart. God told him to tell me to just give it to him. Completely and fully.. trust God with it. And... I did. And I was flooded with a huge wave of peace and then Joy when the music started... Laura Hackett started to sing about Joy. And it overcame me like a tide of an ocean. I've never felt better. And the best part about it is that the issue that was weighing me down that I gave to God, I was continuing to pray about... and my prayer was answered the next day through a text message. How amazing is that! Our God truly is amazingly magnificent!