I know where I want to be. I can see the goal in the distance. The getting there part is so confusing though. I'm not really sure how all this is suppose to work out. Where is the line between Proverbs 4:23 and loving one another like Christ loved us. How am I suppose to protect myself, but love at the same time. I thought I needed time, but do I? Do I need interaction? I'm not really sure what I need right now, besides a lot of Jesus. I love that dude.
I don't really know if distracting myself from the pain is doing more good or bad right now. If I distract myself, I don't have to deal with it. School helps so much. I'll go and emerse myself in homework and projects, or hang with friends, write music, or work. But, when I start having to actually deal with it, it hurts that much more. I thought I was strong enough, and then I'll break down. I just want all of it to go away. It's too much. He's being to confusing with the idiotic statuses that mean nothing and everything. People who love you, truly love you, don't do that to you. I though he did. He certainly acted like it. But something snapped when his brother died, something broke, and made it impossible for him to keep going. All of the crap fell out on me.
This continuation into a void of helplessness is not my style. I need to know how to feel... how to deal with this. How am I suppose to feel? Did you even have any morsel of respect for me or my feelings? You are being kinda shady about it now if you did. Stop being fake. Start being the man I know.... knew you to be.
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