I feel like I'm drowning. Slowly deeper... The weight of everything just keeps pressing down on me. Finals start tomorrow and I have a huge presentation worth 200 points of my final grade tomorrow for advanced public speaking and I'm really nervous. I should be fine though. My grade is super awesome in that class... guess I have a knack for speaking publically or something ;). What I'm really worried about is abnormal psychology. I've gotten steady mediocre grades in that class all semester and I've been trying to pull the grade up to an A unsuccesfully. He let me turn in an extra credit project- so we'll see how far that goes. Worked on the mental health and legal systems with a case study examining John Hinckley Jr. He was behind the attempted assasination of Ronald Reagan. The dude was nuts. He had a super strange obssesion with Jodie Foster after watching the movie Taxi Driver. I've als studied hard core for this final. I've found a review guide on the internet and have memorized the answers repeatedly to questions from chapter 11-15... so 200 psychology questions in all. That is quite an accomplishment if I may say so.
My body is paying for it. I've noticed that simple motor functioning tasks are not working so well today like speech and walking... but the walking thing isn't new. lol I've never been coordinated. I tried to talk to my friend on the phone earlier and form complete sentences after spending a day vigil in the library for 12 hours and I couldn't communicate effectively. He was confused. It was quite hilarious.
I'm eagerly anticipating tomorrow after the tests and presentations because maybe then I won't be such a wreck. I definately had a heart to heart today in the west conference center with some sisters. We were going through some rough things and just wanted to talk about it. And then I had to steal some paper towels because we looked like beautiful messes. You got to love life.
I'm still having an extremelly difficult time coping with my loss. I want to be able to just be okay, but I don't know how to do it. God I need you now more than ever going into a time of stress and then a time where I'm going home... I don't want to go back there. It's too close. Too hurtful. Everything reminds me of him. I want to snuggle up in your arms and you hold me through all this. This gaping wound won't heal fast... it's a strength thing. Please help me.
To my readers. I love you. And so does Jesus. So there. Nothing to worry about loves.
You're gonna make it love. You're too stubborn to fail, and that's a true statement. You will pass all of your finals with beautiful grades. You will move on in time. His timing is perfect you have nothing to worry about just like you said. Jeremiah 29:11. =] prosper not harm.
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